Archive for November, 2007

It is Possible That I suck at Life. Maybe.

So I met this guy [herein dubbed forever T/S – as in Tall and Skinny) a short while ago. Think months. I won’t get into how we met, but it was unusual [Editor’s Post Script:: we met at a grocery store]. I’ve been seeing him for about a month now. And it is dawning on me sadly, that while the sex might be phenomenal, the man behind the penis may be flaccid. Yeah, I went there.

The real, truly, tragic part of this realization is this:: today, on November 29, 2007 I post this realization, a hunch I feel pretty strongly is the truth, and still, again and again, you will read posts from me complaining about how this guy is hurting, disappointing, pleasing, preoccupying and fucking with me.

Why don’t I walk away? Because, folks, it seems I am a masochist. Or maybe I am bored. I can’t really tell right now. My having formed this blog gives credence to the bored theory, but I suppose I may have a little self-torturing attitude in me too.

And just to beat a horse to death, the reason this guy may be/probably is a dud is because he presented himself as being honest and as having barrels of integrity, which is what I was drawn to. And already, I have caught him in two lies. I have two things to say about that. 1:: Why are people such fucking liars? Even the people I love. Lie. I am going to count how many lies I tell tomorrow. I wonder if I am a liar too. 2:: If you are going to lie…at least be good at it. I mean seriously, saying you are one place on Tuesday, and then forgetting where you said were by Wednesday is really pathetic. I am conflicted right now as to whether I am more offended by the lies or the lack of effort in telling them.

And finally, I didn’t confront him about the lie. In addition to my masochistic tendancy, I also happen to have a penchance for denial.

Hello World. Meet My Insanity.

Dear amazing, oft unkind, frightening and always humbling world::

I am feeling bold, honest, brave, and foolish – each in just the right proportion to cause me to want to share my life. All of it. The funny of it, the dirty-nasty of it, and the wonder of it. I say now to my dear roommate, friends, family and poor souls I date – sorry to offend, as I inevitably will. Also, I am curious about this whole blogging business. I want to be hip. I want to embrace my nerd. And improve my spelling. Amuse myself. And hopefully you in the process.

Things about me. I am [much to my lamentation] single, I am smart as a whip , I walk real fast and run real slow. Sometimes I walk slow but I never, ever, ever run fast. I feel passionate about music. Sometimes so much so that it hurts too much to listen to. Strange, I know. Oh yes, and I am strange. But you probably wouldn’t be able to tell at first meet. I spell like shit but I can sleep like a champ. My imagination is giant. I am a lover of vice. I am strangled by my fear of judgment. But it is a valid fear, as I am often judged. I love people. I love people to love me. I especially love those that do. There may be one person in the world that I hate – but I have not quite decided yet [Editors Post Script::  Yup, I definitely hate her]. I may be too lazy for true, artful hatred. I hate to lose, but I take it well as I also hate to be a sore loser. The rest of it, you will find out with time. Suffice it to say for now:: I am awesome.