Archive for March, 2009

He’s just not that into you, except when he is.

Back in 2005, I was four years into a relationship with my boyfriend from the New York Era. He and I both moved to Los Angeles after law school, and while he was a great guy [he really was] our relationship was more or less dead sauce.  As in, we needed to break up – BAD.  And we had tried, believe me.  But after that many years, it is really quite difficult to let go of a relationship, even if you know it is not a good one.

Then one day in September of that year, I attended a surprise birthday party for a family friend. At that party, I met a guy [“Ratatouille” [previously discussed here]] with whom I engaged in a brief conversation.  I left that night not being able to stop thinking about Ratatouille.  He had not made any attempt to ask me out or get my info and I didn’t think I would see him again, but the fact that I thought about him as much and as intensely as I did really served as the catalyst for my break up with Law School Boyfriend [two days later…on my birthday. Brutal]

About a month after my birthday, I received my first of many surprises from Ratatouille.  He had gotten my number from our family friend and called to ask me out. I, very excitedly, accepted. I was pretty sure that it was destiny. That the connection I felt with him – and the fact that meeting him had inspired me to dump my boyfriend – could not have been a fluke.

Several dates later, I was devastated when Ratatouille just stopped calling me. I had thought everything was going wonderfully. He had even brought me flowers on our last date. Surely, this was a sign he was interested. Right?

Not so much, as it turned out. I didn’t hear from Ratatouille… until a few months ago. After consulting with the masses [you], I decided to give Ratatouille a call after our last chance encounter [at his behest, mind you].  Surprisingly, Ratatouille never got back to me.

UNTIL….last week, when Ratatouille surprised me once again with a facebook message proclaiming his excitement over finding me, and expressing his desire to out again.

I pondered for days how to respond. I bombarded my friends with emails pondering the same. Finally, I decided to look back on old emails from the brief Ratatouille Era and came upon this following except from an email, sent to a friend of mine::

“So A**** did not call. I think I need to have a good cry and face the fact that he is just not interested. Fucking brutal. I cried today at work like a jackass. I so hate myself right now.”

My pathetic email made me remember how totally sad and confused I felt when Ratatouille blew me off the last time around. And it made me angry that I am debating, in 2009, whether to go out with a guy who hurt me way the fuck back in 2005!!! This is not forward progress. So anyhow, I am dunzo with Ratatouille – on my own terms this time.

[In the interest of full disclosure, I am kinda maybe sort of head over heels for 23*, which also would preclude my accepting Ratatouille’s invitation]

* which shall be further discussed in a separate blog post.

P.S – I am back, whohoo!


loving, living, driving (badly), laughing, growing, losing, crying, smiling, winning, learning, watching tv, calorie counting and thriving. in LA.


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