Archive for the 'happiness' Category

Strange memories.

Sometime around 9pm last night, I got a strong urge to go to the grocery store. I’d eaten the “Mexplosion” salad from Greenleaf for four days in a row. Don’t get me wrong, each of them were delicious, but they are also $14 dollars a pop [with a diet coke and tax] – and why the fuck should I pay $14!!!!! for a salad [which doesn’t even have any meat component]?   So anyhow, I am on my way to the grocery store and all of a sudden, soon as I pulled into the store parking lot, I am overcome with flashbacks to my second summer home from law school.

It was a Saturday [I was supposed to go to a pool party with a guy I was in lurve with back then] in the weee early morning when my friend S. called to tell me that her dad died. Which fact was totally fucking trippy because 1) she left the msg on my voice mail, which necessitated a very awkward call back from me, and 2) I had seen her dad like two days before, and he was totally fine. Seriously, TOTALLY FINE.

I picked up S. from her parents and we went to the parking lot above the grocery store and smoked a pack of cigarettes each. Then we went to CPK. I remember S. ordering a glass of wine, and how strange lunch was because sometimes we’d forget that her dad had just died and we’d start having fun, and it would just be a regular day out [except my lungs hurt like a mother effer from all the smoking] until all of a sudden S. would say something like “my dad is fucking dead” and I’d say something like “yeah” and then she’d say “what I am I supposed to do” and then I’d respond, “I’m sorry, I have no idea.” I may have also suggested more wine.

S.’s dad was the first dead body I had ever seen. And at his funeral, my mom told me that she wants all the flowers at her funeral to be peach and pink – which I promised her I would make happen. Even though in my mind it seemed unrealistic, since it is not like I can direct the funeral mourners to only send peach and pink flowers. Plus, I hate the color peach.

I hope S. is doing well these days. We still talk [she doesn’t live in Los Angeles] on occasion, and she says she is happy, but I never can tell.


The economy can take my money, but not my friends.

Back in the day – I am talking way back [high school back!!]– I made a friend named Lili [name not changed because I didn’t think she would mind me openly discussing her awesomeness.  Lili, do you mind?  Too bad, if you do]
We started off on the wrong foot.  My 9th grade bestie hated Lili on account of a boy, and me being the independent, free-thinking woman that I am, decided that I too would hate Lili – because, you know – umm, just because [Kids!!].  The hatred had abated by the end of the year [although not before 9th grade bestie defaced Lili’s photo in my yearbook] but by that point, both Liliand I were comfortably enmeshed in our respective nerd circles and were not interested in friendship with outsiders.
It was not until our senior year of high school, and a painfully difficult Physics class that Lili and I became friends. One day we were awkwardly in the same lab group [disproving all of Newton’s theories incidentally*]  and the next we had deciding we would never again attend another lab [or much of the rest of High School, as it turned out], opting instead to attend pool parties. 
It just so happened that after high school, both of us headed to Western Massachusettes for college, which made it easier for us to continue what had started.
Over the course of the last fifteen years [FIFTEEN!!], Liliand I have been through some serious shit together.  High school prom for one!!! The death of parents and classmates.  Lili’s decision to defy logic and marry a guy she had known for all of like, two minutes [while we were still in college no less]**.  My constant boy/friend drama.  Thousand and thousands of miles between us.  I once even spilled an ENTIRE large coffee coolata from Dunkin’ Donuts in her car.  And still, here we are!
Lili has for a long time been, and will likely always remain in my top 5 of all time people I know.  But this past week, after having gotten to spend an entire week with her [she lives in Vermont, and I obviously, not in Vermont], it dawned on my just how damn much I miss her.  And she has not even left yet!!  And of course, missing Lili makes me think of all my other friends not in Los Angeles who I miss terribly.  And it all makes me very sad.  But it is an oddly happy sad.  Sure, some [most?] of my favorite peeps have left Los Angeles, but how lucky am I to have so many amazing people in my life?
Very lucky.  That is the answer. 
* but only because we were doing the lab wrong.  Whoops!
**  it worked out quite well.  She is super happily married. 

Weekend, in no particular order.

Sunday Afternoon:: Wearing an absolutely adorable, newly purchased dress, I found myself at a baby shower Sunday morning. There I was, sandwiched between a bevy of women who were just like me [or so an outsider might conclude] and yet, completely not like me at all. As they talked about rubbing butt cream on their babies’ behinds and how since baby was born, their marriages have been lacking in sex, I was thinking about how much I drank the night before, trying to recall if I did anything I need to apologize for, wondering whether the boy I was talking to was actually cute, etc.

As it dawned on my how different I was from Them, I started to freak out a bit. Maybe I should stop being so much like me and more like those women, I thought. Maybe I ought to date one of those guys my whole family is constantly trying to set me up with and get on the road to marriage and baby and sexless days and nights, I considered. Was I a bad person/friend for having at that moment written off the friend whose baby shower I was attending because I don’t much like baby people, I wondered.

But then I noticed there were cupcakes. And I felt okay again.

Friday night:: As I boarded an airplane at LAX , I was pleased to see several dozen people gathered around the television screens in an attempt to watch the presidential debate. It didn’t even bother me so much that several people were nodding disapprovingly every time Obama spoke. I was just happy that people actually seem to care about this election.

Later Friday Night::
Four hours, three new table friends, two tequila shots and one horribly played poker hand later, I was one hundred dollars poorer.

Saturday Afternoon:: Spent some quality time at the pool attempting to improve upon the tan I gained last weekend. Ended up with a slight burn. Lesson:: Don’t be greedy.

Sunday Night:: Mental order restored. I don’t want to be tied down with child. I want to bounding around Knott’s Scary Farm with my friends, reenacting seventh grade. Which is exactly what I was doing.

Hello, whale.

1:: On Sunday, I woke up early.

2:: I boarded a boat with my oldest [in terms of friendship length] and possibly craziest friend [for real, crazy.  but in an awesome way], plus several of her friends.

3:: And a lot of alcohol.

I was feeling quite nervous because there was a boy on the boat I had previously dated [I use dated very loosely here] – and being bikini clad on a boat with booze and a guy that I used to like [who is kind of an irresistible jerk] is the kind of situation that is trouble for me.

5:: I was also feeling generally distressed because I still need to figure out where the hell I am going to live.

6:: And work has been brutal.

7:: And my car’s stupid “check engine” light keeps staring me down.

7.5:: And the devil Time Warner is accusing me of not returning a cable box that I so totally returned.

8::And I shouldn’t have eaten that cookie.

9:: And did I look ok in my bikini?

10:: Then a giant blue whale [seemingly bigger than our boat, which was 52 feet!] came out of nowhere and leaped up out of the water within what seemed like [but was not] arms distance.*

11:: I think it was trying to tell me to stop thinking so hard and worrying so much about all the nonsense and just enjoy the day and my pretty damn sweet life.

12:: The message was received.

13:: I ended up having am amazing day.

14:: While resisting the troublesome boy.

15:: And now have an awesome tan to show for it.

All in all, a top ten kind of day.

* Seeing the whale is maybe one of the cooler nature type things I have seen
in my life.  it was fucking HUGE!

Bad things.

I do not like the following::

1:: The phrase “it is what it is.” Yes, it is. But, must we really have a saying stating as such? And must people use it with such frequency and self satisfaction? Next time someone tells me something is what it is, I am going to say:: “Potatoes will always be potatoes.” Because, they will, you know? Just like it is what it is. And I am who I am. And I arrived when I arrived. And I ate what I ate. And then I left when I did.

2:: Securities Exchance Commission. I do not like you.

3:: That my New Roommate’s ringtone on her phone is a song. And further that the song is one by Akon. And further yet that the song contains the lyric “hundred dollar bills ya’ll.” And I don’t mean in jest.

4:: Text messages as a means of substantive conversation. I can hang with text messages for simple communication, drunked flirtation, sober flirtation, and “just wanted to say hi” kind of nonsense. But, please. Please. Please. Please. Do not try to convey important things to me via text.

5:: People who pretend (mostly boys in my case) that they do not know you when they CLEARLY do. This just happened to me a few days ago. There is a certain guy whose parents are friends with my family. I have known him for about a million years and see him at least three times a year. We aren’t friends per se, but we are friendly. And he totally asked me out once. I see the guy at a family get together this past weekend, and he literally said “Hi, nice to meet you.” This makes him either (a) exceedinly stupid, or (b) exceedingly pathetic. Either way, I don’t like it.

6:: Running out of popcorn. One should never, ever run out of popcorn.

7:: Sunday, 8:53 p:: I have done extensive studies, and it is proven that 8:53 p is the WORST. TIME. EVER. It is at this time that you realize the weekend is over and Monday is looming. Sunday, 8:53 p is the inverse of Friday 6:00 p.

Weekend tales.

In no particular order::

1. My mother, solidifying her spot as the coolest mom of all time, decided Sunday morning that she wanted to spend her mother’s day not at the Four Seasons brunching, as we had planned, but at a local casino playing poker. And so began a little family trip to the City of Commerce.

2. At the casino I sat beside the hottest guy I have seen in 2008. As I was leaving, he followed me to the cashier [I won three hundred dollar dollar bills ya’ll (all of which has been spent – see item 3)] to give me his number. Given that he had degenerate [and very sexy] gambler written all over him, I don’t intend to use it.* But still, it totally made my day/month. Any furthermore, if I should ever be back at Commerce Casino again and happen to sit beside him, I may just think our encounters to be destiny and may have to propose to him.

3. I purchased an awesome new “work” dresses. I say “work” because it is not actually work appropriate, but somehow classifying the dress as such, even if erroneously, makes me feel more justified about the purchase.

4. Gameboy e-dumped me on Friday. He then tried to take it back Saturday [kind of], suggesting that perhaps he was hasty and we should see what happens. But alas, one can not take back a dump. Especially one so ill-conceived and delivered electronically.

5. I joined eHarmony. Because, you know, I don’t have enough male induced drama in my life already. I also have been informed that Gameboy is an eHarmony patron and that so I hope desperately that we lack the five points of compatibility. The reason that I know this about Gameboy is because the world is intent on demonstrating over and over how small it is. I get it world. Please stop tormenting me.

6. I met blogger Single/Fabulous on Saturday. We went hiking at Runyon Canyon. She was very Nice/Awesome.

7. I had eight tons of tortilla chips at Pink Taco while watching the Laker’s play shit basketball, then drove to a bar in Hollywood to meet up with some friends. Met up with said friends. Downed two shots of tequila under intense peer pressure. Wanted to leave about 10 minutes later and was obvs not going to drive. So instead, I left my car at said bar and took a cab. The end result was my car being held hostage for two days and my having to pay a usurious “parking” fee to get it back. Fucking Hollywood.

8. Evil Troll and her boyfriend seem to have broken up yet again, as her Shitious Boyfriend has called my New Roommate in hopes of re-re kindling whatever it was they had. This whole situation is rapidly morphing from somewhat amusing to just plain old sad. Also, I am very displeased to have it reaffirmed yet again that people can be such scoundrels. There are literally two women on the planet that are off limits to Shiteous Boyfriend by virtue of their acquaintance with Evil Troll. Why must he pursue one of those gals? Anyone care to comment on this?

9. [Redacted for now]

10. My New Roommate has met a new guy that is phenomenally cool. They seemingly have nothing in common, but I hope she keeps him around because he is fun to hang out with. Also, he is not Shiteous Boyfriend.

11. I had one of the best hair days EVER [not counting professionally done days] Saturday night.

12. I can’t tell sometimes if my blog makes me seem more neurotic than I am or if I am more neurotic than I let on in my blog.

* This is what they call progress. For the first time ever, I am avoiding a guy that is all but assured to spell danger for me, despite my intense physical attraction. I am growing up people.

By the time I grow up.

The Apocalypse is around the bend (aka – Diet Coke is turning 30 soon). Soon is relative, of course, and in this context means five hundred and one certain to be fleeting days. Gasp.

I seldom think of the aging process, probably because I act more like a college freshman on a typical day than a sophisticated adult. And still, the fact remains, I am getting old(er). And I have no more of an idea about life now than I did ten years ago, and aside from my scholastic achievements and income earning, it is safe to say that I have not accomplish much either. I am basically the same person now as I was then except with three extra gray hairs, reduced skin elasticity, a better wardrobe, more clutter, and less optimism about the world. Thank god my boobs have held up, I’d otherwise be totally defeated.

I decided last night rather than rue the day I roll over into my Dirty Thirties, I am going to make the next five hundred and one days the most fantastic I’ve experienced yet. When my personal Age Apocalypse arrives, I won’t look back and wish/wonder/lament what could have been and be sad over a waste “youth”.

To that end, I have made a list of all the things I want to accomplish (my list is clearly unbridled by reality)::

1. Run a marathon (even if really, really slowly)
2. Save a life
3. Finally clear my closet of all the clothing that I love but never wear
4. Publish a book
5. Write a poem that dose not suck
6. Learn how to properly use “that” and “which”
7. Stop being a lawyer
8. Cease all lies, even the ones that I tell to make others feel better
9. Learn to cook like my mother
10. One time (just one measly effing time) get something done BEFORE the deadline
11. Start writing thank you notes
12. Forgive Evil Troll for being the worst person I have ever come across (clearly, not nearing forgiveness quite yet)
13. Only engage in activities that I want to genuinely be engaging in (no more party attendance out of obligation, ya’ll!)
14. Travel somewhere by myself
15. Have sex on a mountain top
16. Start remembering people’s birthdays
17. Learn to drive – properly
18. Pay my parking tickets before the fine doubles
19. Stop signing up for things and then never going
20. Meditate
21. Levitate

There you have it. Those are the first 21 things that came to mind. There are hundreds more, but you get the point. And if you perhcance don’t get the point, it is this:: I have a lot a lot of things I want to do in my life. And for the most part, I am not doing them. And I am getting tired of having things I want to do and not doing them. Because life in general is short, and mine is getting shorter by the second, and so by golly – I am going to start going to make shit happen.

Errr, I just thought of one more thing.

22. Stop being the kind of person that purchases extravagantly expensive shoes.

When I grow up
I’ll be stable
When I grow up
I’ll turn the tables

loving, living, driving (badly), laughing, growing, losing, crying, smiling, winning, learning, watching tv, calorie counting and thriving. in LA.


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