Posts Tagged '23'

He’s just not that into you, except when he is.

Back in 2005, I was four years into a relationship with my boyfriend from the New York Era. He and I both moved to Los Angeles after law school, and while he was a great guy [he really was] our relationship was more or less dead sauce.  As in, we needed to break up – BAD.  And we had tried, believe me.  But after that many years, it is really quite difficult to let go of a relationship, even if you know it is not a good one.

Then one day in September of that year, I attended a surprise birthday party for a family friend. At that party, I met a guy [“Ratatouille” [previously discussed here]] with whom I engaged in a brief conversation.  I left that night not being able to stop thinking about Ratatouille.  He had not made any attempt to ask me out or get my info and I didn’t think I would see him again, but the fact that I thought about him as much and as intensely as I did really served as the catalyst for my break up with Law School Boyfriend [two days later…on my birthday. Brutal]

About a month after my birthday, I received my first of many surprises from Ratatouille.  He had gotten my number from our family friend and called to ask me out. I, very excitedly, accepted. I was pretty sure that it was destiny. That the connection I felt with him – and the fact that meeting him had inspired me to dump my boyfriend – could not have been a fluke.

Several dates later, I was devastated when Ratatouille just stopped calling me. I had thought everything was going wonderfully. He had even brought me flowers on our last date. Surely, this was a sign he was interested. Right?

Not so much, as it turned out. I didn’t hear from Ratatouille… until a few months ago. After consulting with the masses [you], I decided to give Ratatouille a call after our last chance encounter [at his behest, mind you].  Surprisingly, Ratatouille never got back to me.

UNTIL….last week, when Ratatouille surprised me once again with a facebook message proclaiming his excitement over finding me, and expressing his desire to out again.

I pondered for days how to respond. I bombarded my friends with emails pondering the same. Finally, I decided to look back on old emails from the brief Ratatouille Era and came upon this following except from an email, sent to a friend of mine::

“So A**** did not call. I think I need to have a good cry and face the fact that he is just not interested. Fucking brutal. I cried today at work like a jackass. I so hate myself right now.”

My pathetic email made me remember how totally sad and confused I felt when Ratatouille blew me off the last time around. And it made me angry that I am debating, in 2009, whether to go out with a guy who hurt me way the fuck back in 2005!!! This is not forward progress. So anyhow, I am dunzo with Ratatouille – on my own terms this time.

[In the interest of full disclosure, I am kinda maybe sort of head over heels for 23*, which also would preclude my accepting Ratatouille’s invitation]

* which shall be further discussed in a separate blog post.

P.S – I am back, whohoo!


Two parts happy. One part insane.

The Happy::
I am almost afraid to admit it aloud [ablog?], lest my typing out the words will jinx it, but the last few months have been awesome. [am I using lest right?]
I have been receiving numerous compliments from my colleagues about what a splendid job I am doing [which admittedly is causing me to be lazy –  I learned at a young age not to set the bar to high].  I have been spending increasingly more time with my friends, who I didn’t even realize I was missing until now.   My dog is slowly starting to love me as much as she does my father.  I am feeling healthy, which feeling is confirmed by a recent physical in which my doctor declared my blood test to be “perfect.”   I’ve got back to back four day weekends coming up!
So of course, not one to rest of my happy laurels too long, I have decided to infuse some crazy into my life…
The Crazy::
You may recall a few blog posts back, when I shared with you an email from a certain poker room suitor (herein dubbed “23“).
Well, since such email, 23 and I have been carrying on a raging text message/phone/email affair.
Mind you, 23 is 23 and I am sooo not 23. 23 lives in Michigan [still a student, no less] and I in Los Angeles.  The chance of anything ever happening with 23 [including my ever seeing him again] is completely implausible…maybe even impossible.  Yet, I talk to him on the phone for two hours at a time.  And I fucking hate talking on the phone.  We send HUNDREDS of stupid emails and texts a day.  I am growing addicted.
What am I doing?
Being crazy.  That’s what.
And one other thing::
I kind of maybe definitely made out with Shaggy Hair Guy last weekend.  Somewhere between one too many vodka sodas [story of my life] and sucking REALLY badly at Rock Band, I may have attacked his face with my tongue.  Although I don’t think he minded too much cause he called me last night.  I feel pretty whatever about him [though I would admittedly be insulted had he not asked me out], but dating a real life human being beats falling into fake love with a series of text messages, emails and random photos.  Right?  RIGHT?  [I don’t even know]

loving, living, driving (badly), laughing, growing, losing, crying, smiling, winning, learning, watching tv, calorie counting and thriving. in LA.


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