Posts Tagged 'craigslist'

The New Apartment Chronicles:: Chapter 1

Dear Landlords Posting on Craigslist::

Pico and Crenshaw is not “Hancock Park Adjacent.”

A studio is not a one bedroom.

A storage space does not equal a loft.

It is not an “$1800 move in special” if it costs $3000 to move in.

Please, stop fucking with me.

Faithfully,

Diet Coke

Highly Scientific Experiment #1: Sex on a first date.

Inspired by my previous post, and wanting to know once and for all whether doing the dirty dirty on a first date is the kiss of death for a budding relationship, I set upon devising a High Scientific Experiment.

At first I considered asking my male friends, but quickly determined they would make a very poor sample as they are predominantly gay, and those who are straight would be so excited to be getting some play that they would propose marriage to any mammal that was willing to put out. So I did the next best thing, I turned to the diverse [“diverse” as in they encompass perverts of all ages and sexual proclivities] group know as the Men of Los Angeles Craigslist (the “Men“).

I posed as a 25 year old who had foolishly gotten naughty with a suitor in whom she had real interest [as opposed to merely sexual interest] and feared that she had blown her chances at a real relationship by whoring out. The Men responded in droves [over 60 replies to date].

My findings are as follows::

46% of the Men replied with some variation of “you dumb slut, you blew it.”

Interestingly of those 58%, about half first apologized and THEN called me a slut. Most believed that a man cannot respect a woman with whom they have had sex [I don’t really get this – someone explain?]. Also, these replies were the least articulate of the bunch, utilizing phrases like “lol” and using “u” for “you.”

“No healthy long-term relationship can spring from a one-nighter.”

[What about unhealthy long-term? I would take that]

“he just lost all respect for u. He thinks ure a slut”

[says the man with “69” in his email address]

“It’s not a riddle it’s just that you’re a slut..lol”

“He will not marry you. Guys have two categories – women they will sleep with and women they will marry.”

“Basically, you just made yourself a tramp sorry to say. You can disagree with me and you can even lie to me but you can never lie to what your inner soul will tell you. That is why sex was created by God to be within marriage.”

[This last one was my favorite. It went on for a really long time about my soul.]

27% told me about how they had healthy relationships that resulted from a first night sexer [at least one of which ultimately ended in divorce, but what marriage doesn’t these days?] Most of this group thought that the timing of sex has nothing to do with it, and it is based solely on other factors, like whether the person actually likes you or not. How very novel!

“sleeping with a guy on the first date is as equal as reading his resume you gotta see if he is good enough for the job”

15% said it depends on how good the sex was.

“If he digs you, (and the sex wasn’t awful) then of course he’ll want to see you again.”

5% propositioned me.

3% had some sort of God theory.

“trust you me, if he wants to Create he will be back.”

2% asked me why I am asking such a dumb question.

1% wanted to know why the girl they recently went out with has not called them back.

1 very creepy person thinks that one night stands lead to rape.

“If he expects sex from you every time you meet, he’s controlling you, and guess what happens when you threaten his masculinity by breaking his control? Right, and that’s how girls get beaten, raped, or worse.”

Conclusion::

Sex on a first date is a very bad idea if the guy with whom you are sleeping (1) has an IQ lower than 100 [lolers, I am looking at you], (2) finds you to be a bad lay, (3) doesn’t like you anyhow, or (4) really loves God. Otherwise, go crazy ladies, cause no one cares.