Posts Tagged 'I have no tags'

Fake Fairey Dogs

Maxine, you dog!

Maxine, you dog!

I was shamefully reading perez hilton today when I saw a link to “Obey the Cainine”. My first thought was why the hell is Shepard Fairey putting ads on gossip sites?

When I clicked through, I came accorss this poster!

On one hand, I hate it because it is a shameful knock of Shep’s work. But on the other hand, its cute as fuck and I want it.

[Because I have a pomeranian].

[And yes, even though MY pomeraniam lives with my parents and not me, it is still MINE!!!]

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Nuts!!!!!!!

Revererd J. Jackson wants to cuts off Obama’s nuts…media frenzy ensues. In case you have not seen it already, 23/6 has complied a Hi-larious clip of various media outlets fretting over the use of the N-word over air waives. Poor George Carlin is rolling over in his grave.

I love the LA, but Gawker.com makes me miss the NYC.

Thoughts::
A:: Sure, the Gawker contingent may be a bunch of snarky assholes, but by golly, they are consistently hilarious and intelligent assholes [and I loves them]. And with [alleged] date-rapist Paul Janka and his media ho threatening to crash the 2nd Commenter’s Ball, I am soooo wishing I was back in New York once again, if only for a day. LA needs a Gawker [and no, Defamer does not count].
B:: Why the eff bomb is gmail’s spell check telling me that “snarky” is not a word? When did google get out of touch?
C:: Working in Beverly Hills is causing me to believe that Ferrari’s grow on trees. Awful, annoyingly loud, expensive, pretentious trees.
D:: Do you think it possible that one can feel nauseous from drinking to much water? Because, seriously, I just drank a shit ton of it and I do NOT feel well right now. [Also, is a shit ton more than a shit load? I need to settle this once and for all]
E:: I really ought to be working instead of listifying my “thoughts.” But then again, working is for suckers. And I am no sucker.
OK fine. I AM a sucker. Getting back to work now. [sad face]

Someone totally hated on my blog today. This person started off in such a way that it seemed like they were giving me a compliment. Like, “Hey, your blog totally sucks but that other shit you write is pretty good.” Then when I gave this person a chance to take it back, such person reaffirmed their belief that my blog sucks (and suggested that I know as much) and further extrapolated that if this person read my blog, but did not know me in real life, this person would assume I am crazy. After said person was done insulting me, this person asked that we just pretend the whole conversation never happened.

Four things came to mind when all this happened::

1:: I don’t like when people give me an insult gift wrapped in a compliment.

2:: I don’t like when people give me unsolicited negative feedback.

3:: If someone thinks that I seem crazy after reading my blog, this person likely also thinks I am crazy in real life. And maybe I am, because I don’t think that what I write here is all that different than what I would say/do/think in person. Sure, this blog only reflects a very selective sampling of my life, but still, it is me. And frankly, I like it. And I think it is funny. And if others don’t and want to get all judgmental on it, they should just stick to reading my reviews instead.

4:: I am being immature and posting this because my feelings are hurt.

My ultimate superpower.

I’ve long had a fascination with super powers. Being an only daughter, I was never exposed to comic books growing, and so I attribute my interest [obsession] to Evie Garland and her time stopping powers on Out of this World. I distinctly remember one time having to study for a history [or “Social Studies” as it was called then] test and thinking long and hard about how well I could do on the test if only I could stop time and study for an extra five hours. Yes folks, I was a school nerd even then.

For years following my discovery of Evie, every piece of coinage I ever tossed into a wishing pond asked that I be granted a super power [before that, I used to wish my Teddy Rupskin** would come alive. Now I wish for either “eternal happiness,” whatever the fuck means, or immortality. I clearly had/have issues]. Back then, time stoppage or invisibility seemed the best power. While they clearly both have merit, I came to a firm decision a few years ago that I’d rather have the ability to teleport.

Imagine it. No sitting in traffic – ever. Need an outfit to wear on a date? No probs. Just teleport your outfit needing tush into your local Marc Jacobs store and whalah, a new outfit is yours (you can return said outfit via teleportation post date so as to not be a thief). Feeling like pasta for dinner? Why not have it in Rome? Who needs a hotel when you can always teleport back to the comfort of your own bed. Really, the possibilities are boundless.

Certain was I that teleportation was the bee’s knees. UNTIL – the following happened last Saturday. Certain Someone and I were sitting in the Arclight pre-movie when the topic of milk shakes arose. Our movie didn’t start until 10:30, so we were in need of a late night milk shake spot. We thought of a few [translation: I thought of one], but it was certain to be too much of a cluster fuck on a Saturday eve. I looked around the full theater and thought, surely, someone in here must know a nice place to get a late night milkshake.

And then it occurred to me what a phenomenal superpower I had happened upon [probably, some zany x-man out there can already do this, but its new to me!] My power would be having the ability to put a thought in people’s heads and hear their response to that thought. Work with me here: I get everyone in the theater to think “milk shake” and certainly someone would think, “wow, I could really use a milk shake tonight, good thing [X] is awesome and open late.”**** Brilliant! It is like having your own person google search, wikipedia, and citysearch all rolled up into one, all using the brain power of the people around you. Plus, imagine the hilarity in being able to get a room full of people think of the same absurd thing all at once. Endless entertainment. Example: you are in a conference room with a bunch of people negotiating a deal, when all of a sudden, the opposing counsel can’t get the thought of Mitt Romney in his underwear our of their head. Priceless? Yes, yes it is.

An earthling’s a creature who is plain as can be
He’s not as unique as you or me
His body comes in lots of different shapes
They say his relatives were chimps and apes
But if you take my advice for what it’s worth
You could be happy there on earth

** Interesting story about my beloved Teddy Rupskin. I received Mr. Rupskin (or Ruxpin as I called him) as a birthday present. On the day of my actually birthday party, he went missing. My dad had this friend back then who was a guru/intuitive named Garg. In an attempt to ease my sobbing (aka shut me up – my dad is not a patient man) he called him an asked him to talk to me. Garg asked me to name a number. I called 18. He told me that my teddy was where the dirty things go. I proceeded to ransack the house. I found teddy in the laundry bin in my room. Both creepy and awesome.

**** Last night I finally got my milk shake at a place called Milk on Beverly near Pointsetta. And let me tell you, it was both over priced and overrated. I could only take two sips before I felt as though my stomach might explode. Not impressed. Still need to find me a delish milk shake.

Send me some love.

Is anyone reading this fucking thing?

Hello World. Meet My Insanity.

Dear amazing, oft unkind, frightening and always humbling world::

I am feeling bold, honest, brave, and foolish – each in just the right proportion to cause me to want to share my life. All of it. The funny of it, the dirty-nasty of it, and the wonder of it. I say now to my dear roommate, friends, family and poor souls I date – sorry to offend, as I inevitably will. Also, I am curious about this whole blogging business. I want to be hip. I want to embrace my nerd. And improve my spelling. Amuse myself. And hopefully you in the process.

Things about me. I am [much to my lamentation] single, I am smart as a whip , I walk real fast and run real slow. Sometimes I walk slow but I never, ever, ever run fast. I feel passionate about music. Sometimes so much so that it hurts too much to listen to. Strange, I know. Oh yes, and I am strange. But you probably wouldn’t be able to tell at first meet. I spell like shit but I can sleep like a champ. My imagination is giant. I am a lover of vice. I am strangled by my fear of judgment. But it is a valid fear, as I am often judged. I love people. I love people to love me. I especially love those that do. There may be one person in the world that I hate – but I have not quite decided yet [Editors Post Script::  Yup, I definitely hate her]. I may be too lazy for true, artful hatred. I hate to lose, but I take it well as I also hate to be a sore loser. The rest of it, you will find out with time. Suffice it to say for now:: I am awesome.