Posts Tagged 'Project Runway'

Re:: Project Runway

Seriously, what the fuck happened? Is Bravo, in an attempt to tank the show before it moves to Lifetime, feeding the contestants qualudes? Did Lifetime actually pay half a BILLION [!!!!!] for this turkey? Does anyone [I am talking to you Suede] think it is ok to talk about them self in the third person? [It is not, by the way.]* Do we think Blayne is a meth head or a coke head? [I think meth.] Were the judges playing a joke on the collective PR watching universe when they acted like that whore-iffic monstrosity [pictured to the left] created by Stella was well done?

I am going to give it one more episode, but I think my love affair with PR may be over.

* Yes, smart ass, Diet Coke does speak in the third person on occasion.  But Diet Coke is an aluminum [my mom pronounces this as “all-ime-in-e-um” can] – normal rules do not apply.

PROJECT RUNWAY: A live blogging experiment

PreGame show::

The countdown is on (10 minutes, to be exact)!! The Show of All Shows (aka Project Runway) is about to begin. I am nervous/excited/hungry. I hope that I am not a failure at live blogging – and thereby, life.

In order to enhance the experience, I have decided to introduce a new element in the program which I have deemed “Project Run and Drink”. The rules are that every time Cry Baby Ricky sheds a tear, all participants in Project Run and Drink must run to their liquor cabinet and take a swig of whatever high proof concoction is available.

The Show::

10:00:: The show is starting! Whohooo!

10:01:: Christian does his hair. Ricky-poo cries. Jkjkjk. Almost though!

10:02:: Kit does annoying “yes” thing with her mouth upon hearing the challenge is to be avant-garde. Certain Someone announces that Chris is the “Dark Horse,” showing he knows nothing about anything. Sweat P rudely usurps Christian’s “Fierce” – and sounds decidedly UN-fierce (although it is really is Tyra Banks’ “fierce” I suppose).

10:04:: Ricky-poo announces that he wants to “play” with a girl. Doubtful.

10:05:: Team Challenge!! NOOOOOO!!!!!! Certain Someone called the Chris/Chris combo and is busy basking in his own glory.

10:07:: Designers describing their looks. blah blah blah. Jillian and Victoria are already at it. I predict a girl fight.

10:08:: Priceless Christian Quote #1 – “If I was a diva, my name would be ferosh.” As in ferocious.

10:10:: Certain Someone declares that Rami and Sweet P have the hots for one another. I think I may have to break up with him (see 10:02 and 10:05). Also, my fingers are tired.

10:11:: SHOCKER!!! Rami is draping. Hold onto your seats.

10:12:: Rami talks about his ass. Yes please.

Commercial Break.

10:16:: Show resumes. Sweat P hopes Rami is no longer being a b-i-t-c-h (when did Rami turn into such an asshole, BTW). Ricki poo almost cries.

10:17:: ANOTHER LOOK! The shock, the horror! Designers need to compose a sellable look for their avant-garde look. Ricki poo almost cries. Jillian does her signature “omgomgomg, I am just gonna DIE” thing. I am pretty sure she annoys me. And not in a good way.

10:19:: Rami and Sweet P are the new Jillian and Victoria. Girl fight!!!!

10:20:: Models come in for fitting. Rami continues to…wait for it…drape. One of the models shows off her bon bon. Her bon-bon as it turns out, is better than the dress designed for her.

10:21:: Jillian continues to annoy. She is complaining about not being done and running out of time. I am no longer sad that she lost the candy challenge. Christian and Chris make their model look like a bad gift wrapping job. Awesome Christian Quote #2: “You gotta bring it back from the side – and TURN!” while walking the catwalk like the glorious queen he is.

10:23:: Sweet P is the new Ricki! May need to change the rules of Project Run and Drink to account for this latest twist.

Commercial Break. Note: Watching show is not NEARLY as enjoyable if one has to type like a mad woman at the same time!

10:29:: I am officially in love with Tim G. The way he says “designers AND models.” I just love it. Rami nods his head. Jillian nods her head. Nathaniel the hair guy makes an announcement – winner gets to be in Elle magazine.

10:30:: Tim G. dubs Chris/Chris “Team Fierce!” LOVE IT.

10:31:: Ricky tries to get Tim G. to give him the answers to the test. Tim G. rebuffs his offer.

10:32:: Rami has really become the most annoying Project Runway character of all time. He is completely trying to hoodwink Sweet P and make it look like she is being problematic, when in fact, he has been intolerable the entire time. He needs to get body slammed by Chris.

10:33:: Jillian freaks out about not being done. From now on, when I say “Jillian!” it means “Jillian is complaining about X.”

10:33:: Chris is wearing the most awesome outfit EVER. Animal print! Whohoo. Jillian! Tim G. does interesting hand clap maneuver that made Certain Someone comment. I am not, however, sure what he said because I tuned him out at around 10:11.

10:34:: I am really worried about Team Fierce. Their dresses look like 1) crazy layer makes no sense style and 2) un-hot librarian style. I hate to admit, but I kind of like Rami’s dress. A lot a lot. He is still my PR nemesis though. I only caught a glimpse of what Ricki poo and Kit did, but I am not sure I like it.

Commercial break.

10:41:: Heidi is wearing a dress that is oooogly, but as always, she looks hot. I’d do her. Sweet P appears to be a fan of guest judge Alberta Ferreti.

10:42: Rami’s dress is pretty awesome. I like it. And I also like Sweet P’s dress. Well done. Rami is still a little bitch though. Nina G either wants to vomit on Team Fierce’s dress or she wants to put it on. I can’t really tell. I kind of like the avant garde dress after all because it was just so damn crazy and unique…but I find the ready to wear a little boring – but not ugly.

10:44:: Ricki Poo and Kit – Overall – hated it. I did, however, enjoy the back of the avant garde dress. The rest of it was like bad 80’s prom. The ready to wear was just too blah. Very forever 21.

Victoria and Jillian – Loved the jacket. Love love love love love. The ready to wear was no where as cool as the jacket for the avant garde, but still pretty cute and neat looking.

10:46:: Judges announce that Rami/Sweet P and Ricki Poo/Kit are the lowest score. Rami looks like he may explode. The judges wonder aloud whether Rami will ever do anything in his life but drape. Diet Coke thinks it is unlikely. Sweet P says words that should never ever be spoken: “explosions out of her rear.” Um, I vote no on that.

10:47:: Judges lambaste Ricki/Kit for their monstrosity of a dress. Ferreta says a bunch of words I can’t understand – but I like how they sound just the same. She is probably right.

10:52:: Judges have made their decision. Contestants come back out!!! Ricki poo on the verge of tears.

Commercial Break. I want Rami to get voted off because I think he needs an ego check (in addition to the body check to be delivered by Chris as suggested above) but I think Ricky poo is the more likely “auf”. He has basically consistently sucked. And not in a good way.

10:56::

The winner: CHRISTIAN!!! Who does a frightening little jig upon his return to the rec room.

The Loooooser: Oh shit!! Ricki is in! Sweet P is in! It’s between the Rama-Lama ding dong and Kit.

10:58:: Kit is OUT sauce. I am shocked!! This is totally wrong. I am mad mad mad!

10:59:: Kit almost cries. But then does not. And then says she has “two full suitcases of friends…” Umm.

11:02:: I am done with this. Live blogging is hard work. And so is being as awesome as I am. And yet, I continue.

Next week on PR::

Ricki cries and Jillian! Jillian Jillian!!

Also::

Does anyone else think that Nicki Taylor looks freakishly weird on that model show??

I want my peace back.

“Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and this marriage is liable to divorce.” – Voltaire


I. Am. So. Frustrated.

BUT…it is Project Runway night and Certain Someone is coming over to join me in watching. No negatively will be permitted to interfere with what should be a glorious evening. Yup, that is the plan. If I repeat my “no ill will – be kind” mantra over and over, perhaps it will sink in.

Speaking of Certain Someone, things are going swimmingly well (that is good, right?). He has, thus far, turned out to be quite wonderful. But we are reaching the point at which men in my life start to show their c-r-a-z-y. Crossing my fingers that this will not be the case with the one. At least not until we get through The List (currently about thirty items strong) of things we want to do together. jk jk jk. I hope he lasts longer than that!

In other news – there is no other news. Aside from my time with Certain Someone, the dramz with soon to be former Roomie, and the monstrosity that is work – not a thing going on. Well, unless Project Runway night counts. Which I don’t think it does.

p.s – I hope to regain my peace, and with that my creativity real real soon like. Sorry for the lackluster blogging of late. My mind has temporarily been hijacked by unrelenting thoughts.

I am the world wide pinball federation champion of the world.

The much touted December 2007 Work Day Adventure finally took place last night, and what an adventure it was. Negotiating the streets of Los Angeles turned out to be quite a challenge. Certain Someone, who was driving, turns out to have the eye site of a bat. And I am not talking about those frugivorous bats that can see all good and shit. I am talking near blind. Certain Someone also STRONGLY dislikes traffic. All of it. Bad eyes + hater of sharing the road with others = a couple near death experiences, including one where Certain Someone thought it a good idea to sojourn the wrong way down the street and cut off half a dozen cars for no particular reason or gain. Once we got the driving situation under control (use of the work control here is pretty wishful) and found our first destination, we were faced with the trials and tribulations of parking. Four laps around Hollywood boulevard and we ended up at a city sized parking structure at Hollywood and Highland, which for a parking structure, was pretty damn amazing. We did not receive a particularly warm welcome at Power House, the bar we went to. But no matter, we had three dollar pints of Pabst Blue Ribbon to keep us happy. From Power House, it was on to Pavilions groSHREE store (see below for explanation), but not before we were nearly sucked into the vortex of two billions screaming children emerging from the Kodak Theater. After a narrow escape and a two dollar (american) parking tab, we were on our way. A man with glass eyes tried to suck my soul out of my body outside of Pavilions groSHREE store, but that disaster too was averted. After Pavilions groSHREE store there was less adventure, and more good old fashion TV watching. And then came slumber. It was an event filled night, but the highlights are summarized below:

ASS KICKED: I won’t mention any names, but a Certain Someone failed to demonstrate that he had a lick of pinball skills. Certain Someone will assuredly deny his lack of pinball prowess. He may even say he didn’t get a chance to show how truely great he really is. But let me just say, at the end of night, I remain undefeated in pinball, thereby making me the all time pinball champion of the universe. And Certain Someone? Let’s just say there can only be one champion.

LESSONS LEARNED: In some zany parts of the world (Kansas), they call the grocery store a groSHREE store. That is just plaid odd.

ASSES ALMOST KICKED: My own. Some bars in Los Angeles that fancy themselves down and dirty dive bars do not look kindly upon people who look like they may have wandered in from the behemoth commercial tourist trap of a hotel recently erected across the street. When at one such establishment, try not to look like such person, and especially don’t try to take the seat of the uber hipster as he gets up to go to the bathroom.

LESSON PREVIOUSLY LEARNED AND THEN RECONFIRMED: Every person in the universe agrees (except for like 5 or 6) that it is a bad idea – lunacy even – to have a costume themed wedding.

LESSON STRANGE LONELY FELLOW FROM KANSAS LEARNED WHEN HE MOVED TO LOS ANGELES
: One can purchase a really big house in Kansas City for much much cheaper than one can purchase house in Los Angeles. And your neighbors are farther away from you, so you can run that meth lab in peace.

ASSES RIGHTFULLY KICKED TO THE CURB: Steven Rosengard of former Project Runway fame is possibly the last person, ever, EVER that I would to design an “everyday” outfit for me. I mean, did you see the episode? He expects someone to wear that dress? Really? REALLY???!?!!

LESSON LEARNED THAT WILL SOON BE FORGOTTEN: Beer, as it turns out, is not a cure for the whooping cough. Damn you science!

NOTE: I didn’t feel like proofreading this post right now – sorry!!