Posts Tagged 'Random'

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When I go driving I stay in my lane
But getting cut off it makes me insane

In a nut shell, I was driving on Beverly on a stretch where one lane was closed for construction. The two lanes were merging in the very civilized, and widely accepted, one car per lane manner. When my turn came, the car on my left totally boxed me out, and then gave ME the finger!!!

I was angry.

I was really angry.

But there was seemingly nothing I could do.

Then I had my most brilliant idea of the week. There is something I can do!

I can use the Internets to publicly shame that guy and all drivers like him.

So I now have a twitter account (https://twitter.com/roadrevenge) for that very purpose. Watch out readers, mess with me and I will blast your license place/offense to the universe.

Mayhem outside my window.

It is 3:14 a, and I am awake not because of the usual Friday night drunk shenanigans, but instead because there is helicopter/five-0 madness outside my window.

I have no idea what is going on, but I don’t like it.

And what I dislike more the notion of a maniac on the lose in my neighborhood [an assumption based on the 20 or so cop cars littering the street, the closure of Melrose plus the po-po chopper with flood light hoovering overhead] is the fact that for the first time EVER [since yesterday], the Internets have failed me.

I have googled searched my fingerprints off [what does that mean anyhow? I don’t know – it’s late] and scoured the world wide universe. Still, no word on what is going on 😦

My day.

Below, please find a summary of my day.

1:: I discussed, among other really important things, the virtue of dipping crusty bread in soda, the personality traits of eastern European grandparents, and the deep pschological truama Halloween causes certain children. All this during the course of 100,000 words worth of emails. I know because I counted each and every single word.

2:: I determined once and for all that crunchy peanut butter is better than smooth peanut butter. Don’t let the Reds tell you any different.

3:: I broke my shoe. And not just any shoe. A Valentino adorably stappy sandle shoe that I spent bucket fulls of pennies on. This makes me mad and sad.

4:: I drank three diet cokes. I am soooo off the wagon again.

5:: I found myself a future husband. We are going to adopt children from European counties with really high tax rates. We are going to be very ELITE. I will likely refuse to sign a prenup so that upon our inevitable divorce (I am pretty sure he loves my nachos more than me) I will have the funds to finally hire that driver that I have always wanted/needed.

6:: I didn’t do any work. Like, ANY. I am trying to fill out my time sheet and I tears are coming to my eyes. I am pretty sure I can’t bill for becoming a Yelp! master.

7:: I ate a cupcake at 8:30 in the morning. It was free, I can only be expected to have to so much will power.

8::
There is no 8. That was it. 1-7 is all I did today. And it was fun. Thanks.

The electoral process is for the birds.

I read an article on the world wide Internet today that got me thinking. The gist of the article was that some judge decided that Nevada’s Democratic Party can go ahead and set up precincts in Las Vegas casinos for the caucuses set to take place this weekend. Then the Teachers Union got all in a tizzy because they aren’t on the strip. Then the Nevada Culinary Workers Union (can’t make this shit up) got all in a tizzy back at the Teacher’s Union accusing them of hating black people…err, I mean supporting Hillary.

Anyhoo, long story short, the absurdity of it all made me wonder: Whatever the fuck ever happened to the notion of reasonable campaigns? Having a limited amount to spend, casting a secret ballot, having said ballot get counted, and then determining a winner. That is how I got elected as my third grade class representative, and let me tell you folks, the system worked pretty fucking well.

Back in my politico days, each “candidate” was permitted three dollars* (with inflation, probably around 5 of today’s dollar’s – which is a fortune for a third grader) and 2 days to campaign. No mud slinging, name calling, or finger pointing permitted (sadly my “Paula Is Poopie, Pick Me Instead” buttons never got to see a single lapel”). On election day, children were shooed into the auditorium during lunch where they could cast a secret vote for their fave (me, obviously) in makeshift voting booths. Post lunch, votes were tallied by the principal, recounted by the vice principal and then read aloud over the intercom system. No exit polling, pundit predictions or the like permitted.

And let me tell you – us kids were way into it. More so than birthday parties where parents brought in cupcakes (with sprinkles!!!). More so than heads up seven-up on rainy days. Even more than the last day of school. Ok, fine, maybe not the last day of school. But you catch my drift.

Nowadays, even civil minded people can’t be bothered to vote. Probably because voting takes place using absurd, stupid, outdated, laaaaame caucuses in the middle of casinos on the las vegas strip, campaigns last forever, too much money is spent and too much time is wasted. And sometimes, our votes don’t even get counted.

* Funding was provided by my public school, and thus the taxpayers of American. Thanks for that, btw.
In other news, Former Prez Clinton had a hissy fit over questions he was asked regarding the Nevada caucuses court case by a reporter. He accused said reporter of being accusatory. Hah!